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There are some pleasant memories from the day we welcomed Dekar into the world and tonight I am happy that I get to share one of them.

The day after Dekar’s birth and passing I watched the video captured in the delivery room.  Of course I was very absorbed with Dekar that day, and didn’t process all of the other things going on.  But one thing that caught my attention in the video was the kindness shown by the anesthesiologist, Mike.  He made me feel at ease from the moment I met him.  I noticed when I would ask him questions his response would always be friendly, calming and kind.

During the c-section I was in a position with one arm somewhat strapped down with the blood pressure cup, and the other arm was free.   My husband was trying to hold Dekar in my view , but I can’t really see him too well because Dekar’s swaddling blanket was in the way.  With one arm bent weird and the other strapped down, I couldn’t do too much about it and I didn’t even think to ask Cortney to move the blanket.   Mike apparently notices this, and smooths out the blanket so I can see Dekar’s face better.  I didn’t notice this at the time, and I’m not sure that Mike was even aware of what he did—but while watching it afterward it really struck me as a kind and compassionate thing to do.  He was doing his job, which was apparent in the video, but he was also simply showing human kindness during a hard situation.  That was no small thing.

After some time had passed after Dekar’s death I sent out letters telling Dekar’s story and wrote personal thank yous to those who touched me in a special way that day.  One of them was to Mike, and I mentioned how I appreciated his display of kindness in the operating room.  Adjusting a blanket may seem a like a small thing, but when you don’t know how many moments you will have to see your son’s face, every moment counts.  

Fast forward to this last week.  I was setting up a booth at a Mom-to-Mom sale and a homeschooling father comes up and says hello.   I recognized him from a field trip we had recently attended.   Something about him seemed familiar, but I couldn’t place where I saw him before.  When he reintroduced himself as the anesthesiologist from the day Dekar was born, I can’t express in words how this made me feel. I didn’t recognize him without the scrubs on–but this was Mike!  He hadn’t recognized me either, but after talking to his wife he made the connection that I am Dekar’s mom.

During a hard and sad situation, there were some glimmering lights, and Mike was one of them.  To see him again in a normal everyday situation, and learning that we have something in common (homeschooling) made me smile even more.

It made me realize once again that it isn’t always the “big” things that matter.  All Mike did was adjust a blanket.  But that one small effort is forever ingrained in my memory as one of the kindest actions I have ever experienced in my life.

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