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I did not die young.
I lived my span of life,
Within your body,
And within your love.

There are many
Who have lived long lives,
And who have not been loved as me.

If you would honor me,
Then speak my name,
And number me among your family.

If you would honor me.
Than strive to live in love,
For in that love, I live.

Never ever doubt,
That we will meet again.

Until that happy day,
I will grow with God
And wait for you.
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MY MOM

My Mom is a survivor, or so I’ve heard it said.

But I hear her crying at night when all others are in bed.

I watch her lay awake at night and go to hold her hand.
She doesn’t know I’m with her to help her understand.
But like the sands on the beach that never wash away…
I watch over my surviving mom, who thinks of me each day.

She wears a smile for others…a smile of disguise.
But through Heaven’s door I see tears flowing from her eyes.
My mom tries to cope with death to keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows it is her way to survive.

As I watch over my surviving mom…through Heaven’s open door.
I try to tell her that angels protect me forever more.
But I know that doesn’t help her or ease the burden she bears.
So if you get a chance, go visit her…And show her that you care.

For no matter what she says…no matter what she feels.
My surviving mom has a broken heart that time won’t ever heal.

~~Author Unknown~~

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“A Pair of Shoes”

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.

I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.

To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try to walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.

No woman deserves to wear these shoes.

Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.

These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.

They have made me who I am.

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

~~Author unknown~~

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Please Don’t Tell Them You Never Got to Know Me

It is I whose kicks you will always remember,

I who gave you heartburn that a dragon would envy.

I who couldn’t seem to tell time and got your days and nights mixed up.

It is I who acknowledged your craving for peach ice cream by knocking the cold bowl off your belly.

I who went shopping and helped you pick out the “perfect” teddy bear for me.

I who liked to be cradled in your belly and rocked off to dreamy slumber by the fire.

It is I who never had a doubt about your love,

It is I who was able to put a lifetime of joy into an instant.

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Cuddled in Heaven
Author: Charlotte Collins

We had so little time to share,
Too soon, I had to leave.
I know how much you love me,
I know how much you grieve.

I know how sharp your pain is,
I feel the aching in your hearts.
My life so quickly ended
Before it barely had a start.

I remember how you held me,
And kissed my face and hands,
You cuddled me so gently;
But, God had other plans.

I was your perfect angel,
From God you knew I came,
Suddenly He called me home again,
And now God holds my hand.

I know you’ll always miss me,
I understand your pain is hard to bear.
Just remember that I’m in heaven
And we’ll see each other there.

So smile when you think of me
and wipe away all of your tears
I’m cuddled now in heaven
By our family members here.

I’m waiting here in heaven,
And on the day we meet again.
I’ll be the first to smile and greet you,
When God calls you home to Him.

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Ask My Mom How She Is

My Mom, she tells a lot of lies,
She never did before
But from now until she dies,
She’ll tell a whole lot more.
Ask my Mom how she is
And because she can’t explain,
She will tell a little lie
because she can’t describe the pain.

Ask my Mom how she is,
She’ll say”I’m alright.”
If that’s the truth, then tell me,
why does she cry each night ?
Ask my Mom how she is
She seems to cope so well,
She didn’t have a choice you see,
Nor the strength to yell.

Ask my Mom how she is,
“I’m fine, I’m well, I’m coping.”
For God’s sake Mom, just tell the truth,
Just say your heart is broken
She’ll love me all her life
I loved her all of mine.
But if you ask her how she is,
She’ll lie and say she’s fine.

I am here in Heaven
I cannot hug from here.
If she lies to you don’t listen
Hug her and hold her near.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I Hear Each Tear Fall On Her Face

My mom doesn’t know
I’m watching her
But I’m watching her just the same
and I hear each tear fall on her face
at the very mention of my name.

She says it sounds like
music to her ears
and can be heard over a crowd
Oh, I hear each tear fall on her face
when my name is said aloud.

I watch her stumble through each day
as she wishes the day would end
and I hear each tear fall on her face
as she talks of me with her friends.

But there are few
who truly understand
oh this I’ve heard her proclaim
and I hear each tear fall on her face
Will my mom ever be the same?

I know her smiles light up the sky
but I don’t see that smile today
oh but I hear each tear
fall on her face
Her blue skies have turned to gray.

Oh I send to her my warmest hug
with the rays of morning sun
then, I won’t hear a tear on her face
for I shall erase them one by one.

Yes, my mom doesn’t know I’m watching her
but I’m watching just the same
and if I hear a tear fall on her face
I’ll softly whisper her name.

Auther: Kaye Des’Ormeaux

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This does not include all the pages and links posted–And it’s also not necessarily in order. (If you come across any dead links I would really appreciate knowing about them.  Please use “contact” form.  Thanks!)

Dekar’s Obituary and other SAMPLE INFANT OBITUARIES 

Dekar gave us a lifetime of Love during his short time on earthwhat I sent out to inform people of Dekar’s birth and passing–it’s his story, in a nutshell.

Babies with Trisomy 13 or 18 (Dekar is included)YouTube video made by NILMDTS with images of T13/T18 babies

Slideshow of our time with Dekar, courtesy of Now I Lay Me Down to Sleepthe slideshow made for us by NILMDTS.  Danielle Felton took the pictures and Christine Barrack made the slideshow. 

“Dekar Day”–the 27th of every monthhow we remember Dekar on a monthly basis

Praying for a Miracle; Planning for a funeralhow I continued on after Dekar’s diagnosis and the plans I made for his arrival and passing.  This is not what a pregnancy is suppose to “look” like.   I also talk about regrets I have, the grace I gave myself,  and what I wish I could do differently.

My Experience with NILMDTSI had never heard of Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep before-so I wrote about my experience with them so others would understand them a bit more from a parent’s perspective.

The Heavy Burden of Empty Armswhat others don’t see when they look at me….

A Full LifeDekar had one!

Dekar’s Memorial Ornament, 2008 and 2009

HopeLink to Steven Curtis Chapman’s song WITH HOPE, along with lyrics.  It’s a beautiful song that I discovered soon after finding Dekar’s first memorial ornament.

A nurse’s thoughts and perspective on the birth of Dekar–my main nurse graciously shared her thoughts and gave me permission to share them.

Forever an infantas my other children grow, Dekar remains forever an infant

Dekar’s Name in the Sandone lady’s mission to help remember other babies who died too soon.

My Mom, A Pair of Shoes, and other poemsI just like these poems–I am adding as I find them.  Updated 11/06/11

I guess…some people have never said anything about the passing of my son…..

Dekar Day, another loss, faithful friends, and a random act of kindnessthe title just about covers it

Bittersweet milestone

First Mother’s Day without Dekar

The babies that were meant just for me

Happy Birthday, DekarDekar’s first birthday a small pictorial tribute to his short life

I Miss Dekar

Dekar’s Foot Impression and 3d Foot and Hand molds and another memory item

Strength–Coping with the very end result of the “Incompatible With Life” diagnosisthe hardest part was not knowing if I could handle holding my deceased infant son. 

Smiling for SharonSharon’s daughter, Charlize, was diagnosed the same as Dekar–hypoplastic heart and Trisomy 18.  Charlize blessed her family with 58 days!  She is a beautiful little girl and I’m so glad Sharon shared her life with me.

The Mourning Boothnot sure what to say or do for somebody who is mourning?  Watch this. 

A Pleasant Reminderone small effort is forever ingrained in my memory as one of the kindest actions I have ever experienced in my life.

Still Making Memoriesa memorial snowglobe created by a talented photographer/friend.

Dekar’s 22nd month in heaven–a letter to Dekar

Final Diagnosis–Trisomy 18the email I sent to family and friends to relate the news of our baby’s Trisomy 18/hypoplastic left heart diagnosis 

This is so good.

It is about understanding the valley we or others are going through–it validates our sorrow and pain. Look at the man in the booth—I know I can relate to that look and can “feel” that pain he is carrying.

This is also educational for those who may not understand how to respond to the pain we are feeling–how some responses are helpful and others are not.

THE MOURNING BOOTH–The Skit Guys

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