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Today is December 27th–Dekar Day!  Today Dekar would be eighteen months.  

Fortunately ice cream was on sale so I picked up four different Edy’s flavors: Berry Granola Crunch, Root Beer Float, Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup, and Mango.

A special thanks to the following for letting me know they are remembering Dekar with me:  Christine, Autumn and Jenny’s family, Sherri, and Martie.  Dekar Day calories don’t count. 🙂

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When you are sorrowful
look into your heart
and you shall see that
you are weeping
for that which has been
your delight.
~ Kahlil Gibran~
 
 
 
 

The other day I spilled coffee on my laptop.   From what I can tell, the laptop is dead.  With that laptop I had journalled my pregnancy/experience with Dekar and that is where I kept all of my photos.  I never backed up these things.  I never saved the pictures of when I was pregnant with him.  Stupid.  Stupid.  Stupid.  Thank God I had my dh save the videos of Dekar’s birth and passing and my NILMDTS photographer gave me a copy of all of his photos.   If those were lost………..I don’t even want to go there. 

Please do not make my mistake.  If you stumbled upon this site because you recently lost a baby you are likely in a state of grief and not thinking as clearly as you usually do–if you are reading this, please stop now and save anything that you have on your computer that you don’t want to lose.   Photos, videos, journals, emails–anything that you don’t have backed up on an external source.  If you don’t know how to do it or it isn’t in your area of comfort, find somebody who can do it for you. 

You may be the parent, sibling, spouse, or friend of someone who has lost a baby or will lose a baby……If you are in the position to offer assistance to a person who could use some extra support in this area, please do it.   It is a big deal–believe me.   For some people this computer stuff comes as second nature.  Not for me.  I kept *thinking* of backing everything up and never did it.  Add to procrastination the lingering fog of grief and it’s a bad combination.  So many memories of all my children are possibly gone forever…..and I should have known better. 

One stupid spilled cup of coffee later and here I am……Yeah, I’m beating myself up and mad at myself—-I’m also extremely sad.  I can’t go back and change anything, but others can learn from my mistake.

😦

I’ll be contacting a professional to check my hard drive–I’m praying it can all be retrieved.

Cortney and I went shopping on black Friday.  After the major shopping was done I wanted to relax a bit and look for a memorial ornament for Dekar.  I had an idea of what I might like, but nothing was set in stone. 

Cortney looked with me, and it was so perfect when he showed me the ice cream cone–it even has sprinkles!

 

Dekar smiled shortly before passing on.  I was holding him as he was taking his last breaths and he looked at me and smiled.  It was such a blessing and equally amazing that my daughter actually caught the fleeting smile with her camera!   Whenever I see Dekar’s smile I remember how I felt -it was a bittersweet feeling of believing he enjoyed his time on earth and yet he knew it was his time to go Home. 

His smile was a “thank you” and a “good-bye”. 

He only knew love on earth, and now he only knows love in heaven.  And I can hang on to the hope that I will see him again. 🙂

Teresa Howell offered her artistic talent to make the above memorial snowglobe for the holiday season.  Thank you, Teresa!

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